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Wednesday, November 03, 2004
I’m sitting here, staring at the fire and thinking… I listen to Rebecca talk about how she and Scott have planned this future together when he is free, yet now when he talks about the future, he doesn’t mention her part in it and I think about us. I have no idea if I have a part in your future, or if I do, what that part is. I know that every now and again, we briefly touch on it or we joke about it but neither of us has ever really felt the need to “define” our relationship. It’s like I said to you last night – you have a much bigger stake in this than I. I have only to love you. I already have children and have the experiences that go along with them. You, on the other hand, would have to be willing to give that up. Not to mention the big church wedding. We both know that I cannot do that, first because I’m not catholic and second because it isn’t allowed for someone who is divorced to remarry in the church. I think that’s kind of the reason that I don’t want to force the issue of a commitment with us. I know that you love me and I know that I love you. I get to be with you, actually more often than not.
I know that you are not likely to broach the subject, and I’m not sure that you even think about it that often, but I guess I have to be honest and admit that I am curious about what the future holds for us. I wonder sometimes if this is just a stop over for you. Don’t get me wrong, I know that you are committed to what we have right now. I have never felt it more than I have lately. I just wonder if you could be happy with this, or if you see yourself wanting more. I know – ten years. lol
So on to other things. I haven’t written in so long that there must be more. The problem is that most of what I would have written, I have already told you. But let’s go back anyway. Let’s go back to your birthday. Niagara Falls was wonderful. I love being with you anywhere, but Niagara Falls will always be special to me. Watching you do things that make you happy is one of the most fulfilling things for me.
My birthday was perfect. I don’t think that I have ever had anyone put so much thought and effort into making a day special for me. I love your t-shirt too. I can honestly say that I don’t think anything has brought me to tears in the way that shirt did. If I haven’t said it already, or enough, I love you.
Which brings me to tonight. I loved coming here and doing something as simple as cleaning your kitchen. Sometimes I feel that I don’t contribute as much to our relationship because I can’t afford to get the tickets to go to concerts or pay for shows or stuff like that so I try to make up for it by doing things for you. I know that it’s appreciated and I don’t do it for any kind of recognition, I do it to show you how much you mean to me and how much I love you. I do know that you notice and never take for granted anything that I do for you and I love that you do say thank you. I can’t wait til I get to teach you how to cook and watch as you beam with pride as you describe the home that we create for you.
Anyway, that’s it for now, you should be here soon so I should end this and see if I can piggyback onto someone’s network and post this.
No such luck – I’ll have to post this when I get home….
1:44 AM Karen