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Monday, August 09, 2004
I've been sitting here this morning thinking about past conversations and certain things are beginning to emerge. I've wondered if I could ever live with anyone again, other than my own children of course, and I really don't know if I could. Part of me wants the companionship (and with you, the sex) but the jaded side of me understands that everyone has their little idiosyncrasies (me included) that make the other person just want to get away. And what better way to get away than to go home to your own place.
I'm sure you are wondering what little traits you have that bug me because that is what you would read into this. Not a lot really (even the snorting isn't a really big deal). You are, what I have come to realize, a stereotypical Italian boy. Your mother dotes on you and although, bless her heart, she says she wants you to be a responsible partner in any relationship she has never shown you how to sort laundry, let alone work a washing machine or dryer. But that's just the way she is. It's not wrong, just conflicting with the way she wants you to be with others. I would be willing to be that in the 28+ years you have been on this earth, you have never done a load of laundry, cooked a meal or cleaned a house. I'm sure you have done chores like vacuuming and helping with the dishes, don't get me wrong, but you sometimes get so overwhelmed about not knowing what might be wrong with your car or what if the fridge breaks that you forget that you don't even have the basic life skills that you will need to live on your own. My problem is that I have already lived through that kind of life where I become so immersed in taking care of someone that I lose my own identity. I don't want to do it again. And I don't want to convince myself that it's no big deal and that I don't mind. I do mind and it is a big deal. Contrary to the Maxim article, if you love someone you teach them how to take care of themselves. Don't worry, I'm not assuming that you and I would live together (that's a bridge that we would cross together if or when we came to it) it's just a general thing that I think about, whether I could ever live with anyone.
And as infuriating as it is to me that you don't take the initiative to learn these things, you have plenty other wonderful qualities that I question whether I could live without in my life. You really have made a difference in my concept of self worth. I know that I can live by myself, whereas a couple of years ago, Iwould never have believed that I had any other purpose than to take care of my family. Now I take care of me.
And speaking of taking care of me, I have to go and pick up Tony's car because he is driving someone else's and they are going to pave his parking lot tomorrow. Then I have to take Rachel to the bank to pick up a direct deposit slip for her new job and then take Joanna to work and go and get Rachel new shoes, also for the new job. Not bad for taking care of me! lol
10:25 AM Karen