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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Tuesday Morning. Here I sit; in front of me are a dozen yellow sweetheart roses minus the one that's on my desk at work and the two that are hanging to dry in the kitchen. Another first in my life. An actual date like you see on TV or read about in romance novels. Flowers, dinner and a movie. And for no special occasion. Another memory to be stored in that special place in my heart reserved just for us. There are so many things that people take for granted, things like a true date. I think we get so busy and have so little time to spend with people that we love that we forget how to make things special. You never seem to forget how. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much everything you do means to me, and that I will never take it for granted. Thank you.
On to the other events of the week(s). Well, nothing more has been said about Joanna moving back, especially since she now knows that she will get unemployment and she has a job lined up for July. I can't say that I'm sorry because although I would never turn her away because she is my daughter and I love her unconditionally, I could foresee a lot of conflict between her and Rachel. Rachel's kind of funny that way. She has definite views of what is acceptable and what isn't. She won't say anything outright, but she's really judgmental in her own way. It comes out more in the way of attitude. I always know when something that I'm doing or have done goes against what she thinks is right. That's why it means a lot to me that she will sit in the same room with us now and watch TV. I notice that she still interrupts our conversations, and I'm sorry if it bothers you that she does it, and that I give her the immediate attention. I have told you before that I think she views Joanna moving in as a threat to the relationship that she and I have built in living just the two of us. I think that at first she viewed you the same. When she realized that you weren't going anywhere if she was standoffish, she became comfortable with you there. Now it seems to be kind of a phase where she is doing this either to reassure herself that nothing is going to threaten that relationship or to prove to you that I'm not going to ignore her. Don't get me wrong, I don't think she disapproves of us any more (I think any child disapproves of any relationship that a parent has after separation) it's just that the only person she has ever had to compete with for my attention is Joanna. Tony was never competition because either he wasn't there, or if he was, we really didn't interact the way that you and I do. That's not a complaint, I was probably as much to blame as anyone, there just wasn't enough in common. If we were together, it was at the racetrack so Rachel wasn't there. I think that once she realizes that I'm not going anywhere and she is still just as important to me as she has always been, this phase will also wear off. But then again, she does love to talk so this phase may never wear off. I hope all that makes sense.
Next subject. Magic. I like the game, I like learning and I apologize if I sometimes try your patience by forgetting something that you already explained. I love that it's something that we can do together. I like movies and I like just vegging and watching TV, but I like it when we can do something that involves intellectual stimulation. I have told you this before, but it's really important to me that we have a life beyond work, and the fact that we can spend an entire evening and not even mention work reinforces my belief that we won't end up incompatible even if we explore other things in our lives.
I am really looking forward to Saturday night. I want it to be perfect, and as long as you are here with me, it will be. I used to wear a chain necklace that would always turn so that the clasp would go to the front. I don't know if you remember, but there is a thing with a necklace that when the clasp turns to the front you make a wish and turn it back around. My only wish would be "I wish I have a good day tomorrow". I never wished for money or anything else, just a good day. I realized a while ago that I didn't have to wish that anymore because every day that you are in my life is a good day. So I stopped wearing the necklace that always turned. I think it was around the same time that I heard the Michelle Branch song "It's you".
Maybe I should wear it again and wish for money lol. Anyway, I really should be doing something more productive.....
7:59 AM Karen