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Wednesday, July 23, 2003
Well, this has now turned into a weekly update. I guess sometimes that's easier because things are better put into perspective that way. Less drama, more insight. I feel very weary tonight. Sometimes I just wish that ... I guess I really don't even know what I wish anymore. When did everything get to be so much work? Simply existing is exhausting lately. Gone are the nights at work where the last few hours are quiet and almost soothing. Now they are noisy and filled with angst and conflict. I may just as well work days and at least get a good night's sleep.
Leroy is like a mixed blessing. He is cute and affectionate, and he makes me laugh, but like a small child demands constant and undivided attention at times. Oh well, he's just a baby and hopefully will grow out of that.
So here I sit, as I find myself doing a lot lately, staring at the computer screen, not really sure if I have anything worthwhile to say, and if I do, not really sure if I have the energy to put it into the right words. There are so many things that I want to tell you, that I need to tell you, but like I said earlier, our time together is so limited and so precious that I don't want to spoil it. I guess if I am honest, I'm afraid. Afraid that something that I say will make you think less of me, afraid that I may say something wrong and I will hurt you. Its funny that the feelings that we have for each other are so pure and simple, yet the path to just being together and enjoying those feelings will never be anything but complicated.
2:50 AM Karen