In a perfect world there would be no war, no hunger, no sorrow and I would be free to be with you.

Sometimes we think we don't remember events and yet we do. I think that our subconscious just protects us by blocking them out. That is the way of the conversation at the edge of the river. I would be lying if I said that I remembered none of it. I think, after you told me what you thought I hadn't remembered, it all came back. I do remember most of it, if not all. I remember the total helplessness that I felt. How I felt that everything that I ever wanted was right in front of me but knowing that it could never be. Saturday was one of those perfect days when everything felt right and having people think that I was with you was the greatest compliment that anyone could have given me. Having Ryan say what he did was probably the best thing that was said all day. It was like we were accepted as a couple and nothing more. So when you pulled away, it was like a slap in the face to my alcohol influenced state of euphoria. My mind could not make sense of why it was okay all day and yet when it was dark, you no longer wanted to be with me. I don't blame you, please don't think that this is anything but an explanation of what was going on in my head at the time.

I remember that when you asked if I wanted you to leave me alone, I was so afraid that if I let you go at that point, I was risking losing the one thing that I had waited for all my life. I didn't know how to hold on, I just knew that I had to. Just like I knew that I had to tell you that I was in love with you.

Our conversation tonight proved once again that we are more than compatible. I could sit and talk to you for hours and usually do. I love that you get sidetracked when you are telling me something because you remember that there is more to the story that you feel you need to explain before you get to the point of the story. I can picture us lying in bed alternating between making love and sharing every thought that we have. Your voice soothes, caresses and teases me. I hear it even when you aren't near.

I want you to know that I meant what I said tonight. If there is someone that you trust and you feel that it is okay or that you want to share anything about us with them, I trust your judgement of people. I will never question it. I need to say that the sweetest thing that you said tonight was that maybe you should talk to Maureen to get her advice on "how to steal me away".
Sweetheart, what you don't realize is that you already did. You have my mind, body and soul. If you were to leave right now, I would be but an empty shell, void of all thought and feeling.

Now, on to the important thing from that night. The hotel room. That part of the evening was so unplanned that I could not have asked for more. I would have been perfectly content to sleep by your side in your car. So the suggestion of the hotel room caught me off guard. Part of me wanted to be with you alone somewhere where your inhibitions would vapourize, yet my conscience kept thinking that it was too much of an expense for those few hours. It does bother me sometimes when you spend money on something that is rather expensive because of me. I know you are a big boy and you control your own spending habits, but I don't want to be considered to be too much of an expense. I really don't expect it. I want you to know that. That being said, I'm glad you decided on the room. It is such a thrill for me to make love to you slowly and thoroughly and show you things that you may never have done before. It was perfection from the start of undressing you to you entering me with my back to you to falling asleep in your arms after making you explode with pleasure. I especially love waking up to your arms around me and your body responding to my touch.

In a perfect world there would be no war, no hunger, no sorrow and I would wake to make love to you every morning for the rest of our lives...

Let me see, well it's raining. Funny, after only one and a half hours sleep, the rain doesn't seem as fun as it did the other night when I was walking home. It's raining harder too. So what's on my agenda for today?

I definitely need more sleep. Number one priority. Then some errands. After that, who knows. I brought home my sketchpads and pencils, so maybe I will do some drawing. I am not sure about my date for tonight. We are obviously not going to see LXG as per my previous post, so maybe my escort has another plan? I'm sure you will let me know sometime today. If you want, we can actually go somewhere and finish our conversation from last night.

Either way, consider yourself kissed good morning and I am going to go back to sleep now. Wish you were here.....

Had dinner with the one of the most important people in my life. After having me wonder all evening what ammunition you would have when we met as far as things that I have said in the past, you had to rely on your memory.... You and I both know that there is not enough time in one lunch for our discussions. Tell you what. Jot down a list, point form, just enough to jog your memory and you and I could take days discussing it. We could discuss it in a hotel room and the discussion could be sidetracked and it would still go on for days. But if you want to bring the list tomorrow night, we can certainly cover my, I mean the finer points... :) I mean we have until JULY 11th when League of Extraordinary Gentlemen comes to a theatre near you!

Anyway, have to watch the clock, seems showing up 21 minutes late is rather frowned upon here. No matter for the breaks that you miss, or the extra time that you put in before your shift helping, those things are not counted. Anyway, I may write more later, depends on the journey home.

You were meant for me and I was meant for you.....

8:02 AM Karen